Fantasy Hockey Advice

I find myself not wanting to talk about players who have returned from a Concussion after a lengthy absence.  I am what you would call a jinx-ist (or something).  I just know the second I mentioned Kris Letang he’d take a header into the boards and be done.  Well, I didn’t mention him and he still got hurt.  Which is why I’m talking about him..  Pretty ironic huh?  Anyways if you missed the play, it didn’t look good.  Not that he went head first full speed into the boards, but when a player is huddled over holding his head it usually means bad things.  If  you hate spoilers, then cover your ears:  “Kris Letang Suffering From Concussion-like Symptoms” will be Saturday’s headline.  Be very afraid Letang owners.  My gut tells me you can kiss his (regular) season goodbye…

Joffrey Lupul – LW/RW (Tor):  Throughout Toronto’s horrawful month of February Lupul has actually been somewhat useful (4G, 8A, 5PPPs in 13 games).  “That is better than useful!  Lupul is loving life in his native Canada and its translating to the ice!” Hey come on Vic the Brick, you know my policy on praising Toronto Maple Leafs…

Patrick Kane – C/RW (Chi):  Kane’s been getting a pass from me lately, but NO MORE!  You better pick up the pace Patty (like you did last night) or you will definately be on my 2012-2013 “Bust” list!

Andy McDonald – C/LW (StL):  I’ve been tootin’ this horn for a while now but it bears repeating:  Make sure Andy Mac isn’t sitting on your Waiver Wire.  Yes I’m breaking my own rule by mentioning a healthy player with terrible past concussion problems, but this is too good an opportunity.  He could be the difference between getting into the playoffs or not, and between winning a round in the playoffs or not…

Yann Danis – G (Edm):  If you need any more proof that Edmonton has the worst Goalie shituation in the league (tip of the cap to Tampa Bay) than look no further than last night’s game.  The definition of “Journeyman” Yann Danis had to replace the immortal Devan Dubnyk in the 2nd Period.  It’s like choosing between Ramen noodles & Doritos or an egg sandwich for dinner…

Kevin Shattenkirk – D (StL):  I still love the name, but not the player.  This piece of Shat notched 3 points last night and has been hot the last week, but whoopditty-do.  Prior to that he went 12 straight without a single point.  I wouldn’t wanna take that risk heading into the playoffs unless you absolutely have to.

Cody Hodgson – C/RW (Buf):  The most underrated trade of the deadline was Hodgson for Zack Kassian.  Look I get that Vancouver is rabid for a Stanley Cup and they think they need “size” up front, BUTT, trading a potential #2 Center for a role player like Kassian?  It’s generally just not good practice to make trades like that….  And Hodgson didn’t score with his new team last night, but he had 4 Shots and was Buffalo’s best offensive player at times…

Ryan Miller – G (Buf):  I always think percentages of lucky saves vs easy saves vs hard saves when I watch a Goalie.  Granted it’s somewhat subjective, but I like to think it works.  And last night Ryan Miller had a ton of hard saves.  The Ducks pounded Miller Time with 20 shots in the 3rd Period alone but I never got the sense the Ducks would score.  And you know how I know he had a ton of hard saves?  There were about 12 fights just as the game ended cuz the Ducks were pissed and lost their shizz.  God I love hockey…

Literally the day after the first Dustin Brown trade rumor surfaced he notched a Hat Trick (including a Short handed Goal).  Two days later he scored the lone Goal in a loss to Nashville and last night 2 Assists in a Kings victory.  My guess (judging by his surfer like dirty-blonde hair) is that he in no way wants to leave Los Angeles so he took the decision out of the King’s hands by becomming indespensible.  Not that I think GM’s base their decisions on the most recent 1 or 2 games but……… well………….   Actually I’m pretty sure that happens alot and it works both ways.  In this case rather than trade one of his own players, he saw the Hat Trick and said “See!  I knew he’s a stud!”   A similar phenomenon happens to women who think a guy with no intention of marrying her will actually marry her someday.  Once a year he’ll do something like buy her a $9 Starbucks Mocha Latte and she’ll think “See!  I knew he wasn’t with me just for sex!”  Well I got news for you honey, he’s with you just for sex.  And I got news for Dean Lombardi too:  Dustin Brown is not a Top 6 Forward on a Stanley Cup caliber team…  Now onto the rest of the night…

Antti Niemi – G (SJ):  The Sharks scored 82 seconds into the game and that was all Niemi needed.  Which was a good thing for the Sharks cuz 1 Goal was all they had.  Niemi is good folks, and he has solidified his spot on that 2nd tier of elite Goalies with guys like Howard, Kiprusoff, and Quick.

Jonathan Toews – C (Chi):  All Toews owners please scroll down about half an inch cuz you won’t want to read this   —–    Toews might be done for the season.  Word is that his concussion symptoms are at least as bad as they were a week ago, which means he’s heading down the Crosby path.  Not good.  If you are desperate for any production you can get right now and have nowhere to stash Toews, drop him (just remember I said if you are desperate)…

Alex Ovechkin – RW (Wsh):  So much for my little fantasy where Ovechkin doesn’t even get 30 Goals.  After #26 yesterday I can’t see a scenario (short of a zamboni running him over) where he doesn’t get 4 Goals in Washington’s final 17 games…  Either way it’s been an awful season for this Top 3 preseason pick.

Mike Santorelli – C (Fla):  Okay the 2 Goals yesterday are nice, but I just love the fact that this guy is also the head of a major crime family.  In fact, Joey Crabb is his #1 Hitman…

Eric Staal – C (Car):  Even with his current 9 game scoring streak (7G/9A) his season line is still a notch below what he normally does.  But if you were patient early on, or you traded for him 2 months ago, the reward has been huge…

Henrik Zetterberg – C/LW (Det):  4 Points in 2 games is about as good as it gets for Z this year.  I don’t know if this is the first signs of decline (he turns 32 this year) or just a greater emphasis on defense which leads to less offense, but it’s been a down (fantasy) season for Henry with a K…  Yeah somebody had to say it…

Steven Stamkos – C (TB):  Goal #44 with a little more than a month left in the regular season means 50 is a lock.  But just how high can this lightning bolt go???

Ray Whitney – LW (Phx):  When Chuck Norris looks under his bed before he goes to sleep at night, Ray Whitney is the reason why…

Martin St. Louis is making a mad dash for the finish line in a futile attempt to salvage the season.  “How dare you say that about the great Quebec native!”  No, how dare you VTB.  Granted a point per game is nothing to scoff at, but Marty has averaged 90 points since 2006 and was (more than likely) drafted in the Top 10 because of it.  And like I’ve been saying for about 2 months now the Power Play Points (just 11 right now) have almost vanished.  At this same time last season lil’ Marty had 31.  Not that I’m overstating this (because he’ll turn 37 in June) but this is clearly the beginning of the end for the little engine that did…

Evgeni Malkin - C/LW (Pit):  Never one to be outdone, Geno nailed a Trick himself Saturday night in Pittsburgh.  He also nailed 1/3rd of a trick yesterday against Colombus.  Man I sure hope he uses protection….

Erik Karlsson – D (Ott):  No seriously, are you for real?  I mean I had a small crush on you in the preseason but what you’re doing now is beyond expectations.  14G/51A/+15/25PPP/205SOG.  As a DEFENSEMAN.  You are the 9th ranked player overall in Yahoo right now and 17 Points in your last 7 games.  What does all this mean?  Well for one, I won’t be drafting him next year cuz he’ll probably be so overhyped he won’t make it out of the first round.  And 2, this kid is the real fracking deal…

Brad Thiessen – G (Pit):  Wait what?  Who the F is this guy?  I know Brent Johnson was sick on Friday but maaayyyyybe, just mmmmaybbbeeeee, he’s losing his grip on the #2 spot in Pittsburgh.  And Tiffani Amber Thiessen’s 2 Goal victory won’t help him any.

Stephen Weiss – C (Fla):  If you’re looking for a longshot to help you get into the playoffs, then go ahead and peep on Weiss.  He’s capable of big games (before yesterday Weiss had 3 or more points in a game six times this season) and those all happened in the first 8 weeks.

Rick Nash – LW/RW (CBJ):  Can you please just trade him already Colombus?  I’m really F’ing tired of talking about where Rick Nash is going every February.  The most painful part for me is that I wouldn’t be surprised if he stays in Colombus.  See you again in 12 months “Nash Heading to Canada?” headline!

Brent Burns – D (SJ):  If I could use one word to describe double B’s season it would be “bleak”.  No not blech, bleak.  As in his future as a stud fantasy Defenseman.  This was his year to prove that Minnesota was the main culprit for his lack of (fantasy) success early in his career.  BUTT, he’s falling flat and his status as a solid #3 Defenseman appears etched in stone.

Tyler Seguin – C/RW (Bos):  For selfish reasons I’m glad Seguin has hit a wall (just 8 Points in his last 19 games).  It means I’ll have a shot at drafting him next season!  I still love you Tyler!!!

Colin Wilson – C (Nsh):  I am torn when thinking of Wilson’s value heading into next season.  On the one hand, he’s a 22 year old former 7th overall pick who’s shown steady improvement over his 2 1/2 seasons in the league.  On the one foot though, we’re dealing with a Nashville Predator.  They generally don’t lead to fantasy championships…

Scott Hartnell – LW (Phi):  Notched his 29th and 30th Goals of the season on Saturday and threw in a fight for good measure.  If Hartnell snapped his leg tomorrow and did nothing for the rest of the season he still will have exceeded my expectations.  The award for multi-category stud will now be forever changed to the “Hart-nell Trophy”, because that person is the MVP of my heart…

So why does it feel like I just used Jeff Carter as the headline in one of my posts?  Oh, because I did.  In fact here is a snippet of what I said just 2 days ago:  “Despite that enormous contract, other teams will trade for him too (I am of the opinion that Carter, not Nash will be the one headed out of Colombus).  And if you own Carter that is good news.   Literally anywhere would be a better situation for this much maligned scorer.”  I guess I should have ended that last sentence with “except LA”, cuz that is where talented offensive players go to die.  Is there a chance he and Kopitard go together like butter and bacon?  Sure there is, but that doesn’t change the fact it would have been 420 times better if he had gone to some 25 other teams.

Jack Johnson – D (CBJ):  Getting traded to Colombus would be a negative for most players, but in Johnson’s case it’s a good thing.  JJ has just 1 Goal and 3 Assists in his last 17 games (including a -3 rating).  Something was…… is…. rotten in LA right now and a fresh start might just lead to a strong finish.

Danrik Sedin - C/RW (Van):  Leave it to the sisters to end the Red Wings home winning streak.  If this was a game in May (which will happen) they would have lost 3-1 and the Regular Season Twins would have gone pointless…

Patrick Marleau – C/LW (SJ):  Notched the only 2 Goals for the Sharks and it held up.  I’m really interested to see if ol’ Patty can get to 70 Points (he’s at 48 right now).  If not, it would be just the 2nd time in the last 7 years and everyone would be screaming the end is near (and by ‘everyone’ I mean me.)

Corey Perry – RW (Ana):  The Ducks have 21 Games left and CP-10 has 30 Goals.  So lets do the math: 50 minus 30 is 20 so thats just 20 Goals in 21 Games to get to 50….. Got it?

Mikael Samuelsson – RW (Fla):  A Goal and an Assist last night after a 4 game scoreless drought is a good sign.  If you’re looking for a serviceable Right Winger for the stretch run Samuelsson (Samuel’s Son – HA!) is someone you could probably add for free – his Yahoo ownership level is just 8% right now…

Ondrej Pavelec – G (Wpg):  Speaking of “serviceable”, Pavelec is the Goalie version of that.  He is so serviceable in fact, I traded for him in a league where I need quantity > quality.  He’ll get plenty of starts (and Wins) while not completely butchering my ratios.  Well that’s the theory at least…

Loui Eriksson – LW/RW (Dal):  It’s looking like the loss of Richards is indeed hurting Erik’s Son (HA!).  Right now he’s on pace for 25G/42A/12PPP’s.  Last season? 27G/46A/25PPP’s.  See where the problem is???

Jarome Iginla – RW (Cgy):  You are in a battle with Martin St. Louis for last year’s 1st rounder who will fall the furthest in my new rankings…  You have been warned Iginla!

Ray Whitney – LW (Phx):  Ray has got to be the single most forgotten guy in fantasy hockey and easily the biggest surprise of the season.  He’s already matched last years point total (56 Points) in 14 fewer games and rather than having a 0 rating he’s a +22.  If I woke up tomorrow morning with my head sewn to the carpet I wouldn’t be more surprised than I am right now…

Devan Dubnyk – G (Edm):  Alright a 35 Save Shutout against the high-Flyers is pretty awesome, BUTT, it proves nothing other than the fact that if you are a Goalie in the National Hockey League, you are capable of a game like this.  I don’t care if your name is Alex Auld or Ben Scrivens or Devan Dubnyk…

Mike Green – D (Wsh):  I wanted to get excited about Green’s (2nd) return from injury but a -3 and zero points in 3 games just reminds me how bad he’s been this season.  If there is an exact opposite of “excitement” that is what I’m feeling now.

Taylor Hall –  LW (Edm):  Edmonton’s Kid in the Hall (was that not a genius play on words or what!?) is doing nothing to diminish the love I will be feeling for him come next preseason.  I just hope he’s not courted by all the ‘perts too, I don’t want it to be like throwing a hot dog down a Hall-way…