If you’re looking for some entertainment, how about doing this for Halloween. It’s called Jesus Ween and here is the best part: “INDIVIDUALS: can participate by giving out several Christian gifts on October 31st and especially when someone knocks on your door expecting candy, we prescribe you give a pocket size bible, Christian musical or teaching cd, Tracts, Poems, etc.”
No doubt that would make you the most frightening house on the block. Now lets look at some scary performances in the NHL the last couple days:
Brad Richards – C (NYR): After ZERO points in the last 3 games Ben Richards redeemed himself with 2 Goals and an Assist. I just don’t know what to think of Ranger players. Just not enough Goal scoring going on for me to get excited about anyone…
Thomas Vanek – LW (Buf): Okay okay I get it. You’re the best F’ING fantasy hockey player in the history of fantasy hockey… Now stop making me feel bad for not owning you in any of my leagues!
Jason Garrison – D (Fla): I’ve had a few inquiries (love that word) about Garrison and all you need to know is this: Heading into this season his career point total equaled his age: 26. Unless you’re Wendy the retard you know what that means…
Tim Connolly – C (Tor): This is my first mention of Timmy and if you’re in need of a Center (which none of us are of course) he’s worth adding. Just remember the point per game he’ll get while playing is infiniti times better than what he’ll get when he’s sitting on his fat ass after his next injury.
Phil Kessel – RW (Tor): Another Goal on Saturday and my undying love for him from last year really makes this hurt. Why Phil? Why must you torment me so?
Montreal Canadians: Apparantly will not lose another game this season. Price is a stud and guys like Cammalleri, Plekanec, Subban, and (my current boyfriend) Max Pacioretty will keep the Canadian’s fantasy relevant all year.
Joe Pavelski – C/RW (SJ): I don’t hate Pavelski but I have to admit he is an extremely forgettable player. I mean ‘Pavelski’, isn’t there a guy with that name on every team in the league? But with 7 Goals and 4 Assists he has my attention. On a personal note, I’m glad I pimped Clowe and Couture all preaseason only to watch the obvious guy do the obvious.
Jaromir Jagr – RW (Phi): Notched his 4th and 5th Goals on the season and they’ve all come in the last 4 games. Pretty impressive but I still say its sell high time. Not a chance in H-E-Double Hockey Sticks he can keep this up all year.
Claude Giroux – C/RW (Phi): A Goal and 2 Assists means CGi gets mentioned no doubt. And as one of the (very few) players I pimped in the preseason CGi is more than welcome to stay at my house if he needs to crash… I just hope he doesn’t eat all my ice cream.
Dwayne Roloson – G (TB): A Shutout Rolo? Really??? Why must you torture your owners like this? Wait wait let me guess: For your next start you’ll give up 4 Goals in the 1st period and get yanked?? Bite me old man!
Shea Weber – D (Nsh): A Goal and an Assist on Saturday puts him at just 1 Goal and 4 Assists on the season. Weber is THE definition of a better real hockey player than fantasy hockey player…
Pekka Rinne – G (Nsh): Not much to write about with Rinne. Pretty much doing exactly what I thought he would this year…
Kari Lehtonen – G (Dal): 8 Wins, .947SV% and 1.75GAA is just ridiculous. I still don’t think he can stay healthy so if you can trade him for a Carey Price or a Roberto Luongo, do it. Otherwise just hang on and enjoy the ride…
Sheldon Souray – D (Dal): This is my first and last mention of Sheldon Souray. IHe’s capable of 25 Goals and 30 Assists. Sounds good I know, but personally I’d rather lick snot that have him on my team…
Michael Frolik – C/RW (Chi): I suppose his Goal and Assist on Saturday could lead one to believe he’s ready to break out………yeah don’t count on it. I’m calling droppable in any 10-12 team leagues. And that hurts too cuz Frolik was one of my sleepers..
Mike Smith – G (Phx): 4 Wins in the last 6 games to go along with solid ratios (2.15/.925). Yes he will give you a 6 Goal stinker every once in a while, but so will alot of other Goalies who went 10 rounds earlier in the draft… ahem…… Bryzgalov….
Vancouver Canucks – B-Slapped the undefeated Capital’s and reminded everyone they still have what it takes. Bottom line this team can score (well until they get to the playoffs of course)…
Ryan Smyth – LW (Edm): The old guy is gettin it done and is clicking with the Horcoff. Smyth falls into the Jarret Stoll division of Waiver Wire All Star’s so if you need a long term sub look no further…
Alright gentleman that’s it but don’t forget: Jesusween! Hand out pocket sized bible’s instead of candy! (And be the scariest house on the block!)
