The regular season is over, which means the fantasy hockey season is over too. Sure there are a few degenerates who will be playing in a playoff fantasy but odds are if you’re NHL team is out of it, this is the last you’ll be hearing/thinking/caring about hockey for at least 3 months. Well I am here to change that! You’ll care dammit!!! “You must learn to control your anger! The negative energy you are feeling must be channeled into positive flow!” Okay you make a good point VTB. Where are you when my daughter decides it’s time to take every single toy out of her bin and hand them to me?? As far as hockey is concerned I have to admit I’m not looking forward to grading my pre-season picks. Sure I hit on a few (Stamkos, Giroux, Scott Hartnell), but the littany of mistakes rivals those of the Nixon Administration. I’ll be going through the gory details this week before turning the page and trying all over again. But for now, lets sum up the final weekend of 2011-2012 fantasy hockey season…
Steven Stamkos – C (TB): 60. SIXTY F-ING GOALS. No disrespect to the greats of the past, but outside of Wayne Gretzky’s 92 Goals twenty years ago I dare you to find a more impressive season (relative to his peers). Only 1 other guy got to 50 this year, and only 3 others topped 40. Stamkos had 19 more Goals than the guy in 3rd place… Now I’m not gonna tell you he’s the slam dunk top player for next year, but when you factor in age and injury history it’s hard to argue Geno over the SS Officer…
Teddy Purcell – C/RW (TB): Ha-ha-ha-hat trick!!! Ol’ Teddy established himself this year as and was easily one of the top Waiver Wire All Stars on the season. 24G/41A/+9/19PPP’s. Move aside Mike Fisher, there’s a new WWAS starting at Center this year…
Roberto Luongo – G (Van): Is it possible to give 1/2 Shutout? I mean seriously 15 Shots in the game Edmonton??? I’ve heard of mailing it in, but when these guys call you out for giving up it’s time to consider changing something in your organization. But I’m not here to clown on the Oilers…. Well, actually I am…
Danrik Sedin – C/LW (Van): The regular season twins didn’t exactly live up to the the billing this year. Their combined totals of 45G/102A/52PPP’s/342SOG’s is their lowest since the 2005-2006 season. And it’s not looking any brighter for the post season. Danny boy is still clearing cobwebs and Henrik will curl up into his playoff shell after Dustin Brown elbows his head in Game 1…
Nashville Predators – Outside of Pekka Rinne and Shea Weber, this team doesn’t have alot to offer to us fantasy geeks. But if these guys can get past Detroit I like their chances of winning the Western Conference. And right now, they’re a 22:1 underdog to win the Stanley Cup. I can see it now: Barry Trotz’s awkard post-game speech; Gary Bettmann awarding the championship to a team he knows just got him the worst TV ratings in 25 years; the completely unknown Owner; and of course Fisher-Wood taking it to a whole ‘nother level…
J.S. Giguere – G (Col): I hope this isn’t the way Jiggy goes out (he was butchered Saturday by the afore mentioned Predators), but if it is his last game, this is all I got to say…
Peter Mueller – C/LW (Col): Seriously what am I supposed to do with you? You’re a toxic mix of concussion and inconsistency and yet I still wanna tell everybody to draft you as a late round flier. I guess that makes me a sucker for Peter…
Rick Nash – LW/RW (CBJ): Of course he got 3 Goals in the last 2 games. I swear Rick Nash is the equivalent of me in college: Do just enough to keep that GPA above 2.5. I’d pull 3 B’s and a C one semester and then follow it up with an A and 3 C’s. And that is Rick Nash’s career in a nutshell. Except 30 Goals is his 2.5GPA…
Bobby Ryan – C/LW (Ana): And Ryan kept his 2.5 GPA with Goals #30 and 31 on Saturday….. Please don’t turn into Rick Nash Bobby!
Stephen Weiss – C (Fla): Now take what I just said and drop the GPA to 2.0 and, Voila! You have Stephen Weiss!
James Wisniewski – D (CBJ): Is it possible that the Wiz was so bad this year…….. no…….. can’t………. go……there……. that he’ll be undervalued next season??? AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Jarome Iginla – RW (Cgy): No offense Jarome, but it’s time to stick the proverbial fork in the proverbial ass. I’ll be talking to you later in the week old man…
