I was all prepared to write the eulogy for the 2011-2012 Buffalo Sabres. The last score I saw before writing this was 3-0 Leafs in the 2nd Period. I had the title all lined up and everything: ‘Buffalo Scat’. But then the Leafs (perhaps acquiesing to the Toronto fan base who want a higher draft pick), decided to cough up not only a 3-0 lead, but also leads of 4-2 and 5-3. Derek Roy, in what has otherwise been a cesspool of a season, decided to show up and notch the game winner. Too bad it means nothing to me, scoring game winning Goals against the Leafs is about as difficult as saying yes to sex with Kate Upton… Mmmmm, Kate Upton….. Oh yeah, Roy. It’s becomming more and more clear with each passing season, 2007-2008 (32G/49A/+13/218SOG) was as good as Derek Roy is ever going to be and his ADP should be adjusted accordingly…
Mike Smith – G (Phx): Yes I buried the lead, but I will argue it’s Smith’s own fault. I already wrote about his previous 2 Shutouts, so getting his 3rd in a row just doesn’t slap me across the face like it should. Wait……. He had 54 saves last night?? Are you sure??? ‘SLAP’! Okay okay, jeez. Calm down will you? My love for the Common Man grows with each passing day…
Steven Stamkos – C (TB): 57, 58, 22, 420… No those aren’t the winning Mega Millions numbers. Thats the goals Stamkos scored Monday night (57 & 58), his age (22), and the number of days he’s been allowed to legally drink alcohol in the United States. As far as the other meaning of that last number, well, I bet once he hits 60, 420 won’t be far behind…
Jonathan Quick – G (LA): I declared the Vezina trophy race over a while ago, BUTT, if you believe that it should be awarded to the player providing the most value to his team, there’s no way to argue against J-Quick. Take Lundqvist off the Rangers and what do you have? A 5 seed at worst? Jonathan Quick is the 1st, 2nd, 3rd, 4th, and 7th reason why the Kings will make the playoffs this year.
Tyler Bozak – C (Tor): I’m not done with Toronto yet. If you wanna know why you’re franchise is still a half dozen (or so) players away from being a contender, look no further than Tyler Bozak getting 20+ minutes a game. Don’t get me wrong, Bozak is a nice player….. for the AHL. On a playoff caliber team he doesn’t even sniff 15 minutes, let alone 20. Bozak’s game smells worse than my nutzak…
Gilbert Brule – C (Phx): I often wonder if Gilbert is more famous than his brother, culinary icon Crem Brule…
Sidney Crosby – C (Pit): If you gave me a choice right now of ranking Sidney Crosby for next year, or getting beaten about the head and face with a rubber hose, I’d request a short hose. I got burned by The Kid this year and needless to say, it’s made me a little gun-shy. Maybe I should start my own neighborhood watch program and name myself supreme leader…
New York Rangers – Congrats on the #1 seed, but seriously could you have done a little better Brad Richards? If I knew you were gonna give me 66 Points I’d have expected a +30 at least…
Marco Sturm – LW (Fla): I just love it when German’s score Goals…
Tomas Fleischmann – LW/RW (Fla): I liked Flash as a sleeper in the preseason and he’s exceeded even my expectations. I can’t wait to see where the ‘perts plus’ rank him next year…
Corey Perry – RW (Ana): If you don’t think he is determined to get 40 Goals, then you don’t know CP10. He’s got 2 games to get 3 Goals and those 2 opponents (Edmonton & Calgary), have been PERRIED more than once…
Alex Goligoski – D (Dal): It’s been a disapointing season for the (non goalie) Goli, but as a guy who won’t be drafted until the final rounds next year I smell a D3 sleeper…
Joe Thornton – C (SJ): I wanna trash Jumbo Joe, but it’s hard to hate a guy who’s put up 70 or more points in 10 of his 13 NHL seasons. HOWEVA, the wheels will fall off in the near future, so drafting him will be a gamble until the day he retires.. And I don’t gamble on 33 year olds with the nickname “Jumbo”…
